Wednesday, December 14, 2011

How Does She Do That....


No, I have not seen this movie. I don't think its supposed to be very good although I am not saying I wouldn't watch it if it was on a plane or something, but I have a pretty good idea of what its about. Sarah Jessica Parker is a successful working mother blah blah who struggles but ultimately has it all with the help of her handsome, loving husband, or maybe she gives up the fabulous career for the family? Who knows exactly but I bet there is snow at the end. All I can say is I can relate to the title and the struggle of having to do it all aka be a working mom. Minus the fabulous wardrobe but of course with the fabulous husband last week I set out on my first real work trip. Yes, I packed my bags and lots of warm clothes and headed for the heart of the Midwest for an important work opportunity to show my stuff and hopefully do a good job. I was anxious about my departure for days. I had never left Hank for more than 24 hours and I was nervous, mostly for me. How will we get through it? Will he miss me? Will he be OK?  Luckily my husband did an incredible job, along with our nanny, and I know Hank had a great weekend. He slept better than ever even. We never were able to Skype and to be honest as much as I wanted to see his face I was afraid maybe it would remind him of my absence or confuse him. After all he is only fourteen months. I worked pretty much non-stop so besides a brief crying spell I survived and couldn't wait to get home. I was so excited to see my little man I actually woke him up from a nap! A big no no for most parents. He was confused but seemingly happy to see me. He was a bit standoffish but settled into the my chest and just sat next to me for a while which was heaven after six days, but that night it was clear something had changed. Maybe for the best? After being a big time Mama's boy forever he did not want to be held or comforted by me. He wanted Daddy which was something new in our world. A better Mom would have seen the beauty in this moment and just been happy to have such an amazing husband that my son adores. Unfortunately, I am not that Mom and literally went into my bedroom and wept. Not my finest moment. 

Yesterday I took the day off and Hank and I spent the whole day together. 

Our day was made up of a visit to the park, a lunch date just the two of us, a trip to the zoo (I had a LOT to make up for) and lots of cuddles. By this morning it seemed like I had restored his faith in me, and then I dropped him off with the nanny and wow the tears were intense. It made me feel like I had really made him question his trust in me that I am going to be there (am I going overboard). And that this is only going to get harder and work has already asked me to travel again. I guess my point is I don't know how anyone does it. This balance thing is so hard. That's it. I don't have an answer. I am just putting it out there. 

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